Joyanne Sloan's Podcast

Welcome back!

This week we're going to have a little fun by swapping our planned topic for a delightful interview with yours truly conducted by the founder of Sister Space Radio, Sharon Riegie Maynard. Sister Space is an online radio program featuring conversations with women leaders in the world.

Sharon's program is a place where women can learn, be challenged and network with each other. Her passion is to inspire women to step up to their responsibility to direct and protect our world, our country, our communities, families and selves.  And she says, that when we accept her challenge, that men will equally show up, ready to work together in weaving a unified global family.

I hope you'll take a minute to visit Sharon's web site at SisterSpace.net

And now on to the interview... Enjoy!

Welcome back!

For this week's episode, I'd like to ask you a question that may seem a little silly.  Will the glass slipper fit you?  It doesn't really matter if you're a man or woman, because we're all familiar with the story of Cinderella. And we all understand that the glass slipper remains a powerful metaphor for success; for having made it.  I'm betting that you have your own idea of the kind of triumph you want most and of the magnificent experience of trying on true success and having it fit you in a positively perfect way.  At the same time, I'm guessing that the glass-slipper experience you've dreamed of may have never materialized, leaving you on the outskirts of real success, leaving you feeling like an outsider. Well, if that describes your experience, then you should know that you're hardly alone. In fact, you'd be amazed by just how much company you really have.

It seems that throughout my life, I've never quite "fit". I literally did NOT fit.  I endured horrible teasing in my youth simply because I was taller than just about anyone in my school... even the boys!  By the tender age of 13, I'd already passed 5'10" which was only complicated by bad hair and a mouth full of braces. The boys wouldn't even approach me much less ask me to dance and I'll never forget accepting the kind offer to dance with my teacher, Mr. Baysinger at the 6^th grade graduation dance. Looking back, I realize how compassionate he was not to let me spend the entire evening as a terribly awkward wall flower!

I struggled for decades with the loneliness that accompanied the sense that there might be something wrong with me. Yes, I had friends but at the same time, I felt different although I'd never admit that to anyone back then. I know how much courage it takes to reveal that you feel misunderstood. Do you feel misunderstood too?  If so, you'd be surprised by how many others share your sentiment but who fail to express it was any real honesty. Being honest isn't about making your self vulnerable, but about taking off the mask that says "I'm okay".

So, I want to invite you to have a relationship with yourself that's truly truthful.  It's not about what you tell others.  It's about what you tell yourself and your soul.  The point is not to make others like you or to secure their acknowledgment and approval.  That's neither desirable nor realistic. The point is that YOU will acknowledge you by honoring your self with the naked truth.  And if you do that, imagine the time and energy you'll have gained once you decide to stop trying to be likeable and stop saying "yes" to everyone. That will require you to like and say YES to yourself! And only when you've done that, will you learn how to accept and fully appreciate your unique gifts consistently and sincerely; and then you'll experience what it feels like to genuinely fit. That means setting your own terms and meeting with your own approval... not your parents, spouse, boss or friends.

For myself, I finally decided that I simply would not fit anyone else's mold and, until I designed my own glass slipper (an 11 wide to be precise), I would perpetuate my own forsaken Cinderella drama. When you find yourself able to genuinely appreciate the only YOU there will ever be, others will amaze you by doing the same! Then you can go still further to reveal yourself fully. Reverence means 'something that's entitled to respect'. That's the definition of self-esteem.  You can move beyond esteem to express your talents, truths and character; now seeing that you have created the experience of powerful recognition from those in your life by way of revealing your unedited self.  And along the way, you'll come to discover that Believing is Seeing! ^SM

In the wise words of author Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Here's my 7-day challenge for you:

Ask yourself "Who would I need to be to really appreciate and choose myself?" Start small, at the base camp, not the summit while remembering that the process is preferable to perfection. Choose one or two do-able steps to act as a trailhead for your journey. Then list what resources you might need to get to the next camp. Your list could include supportive friends and family, a time or other written commitment to yourself, etc. Think about what tools are at your disposal and how you can leverage them to achieve your goal.

By making the effort in earnest, you'll learn to trust that what you need will come when you need it. That can be aided by keeping written affirmations and notes where you can see them daily. By putting your intention on paper, you then remind yourself to add action to your intention. With repetition and consistency, you will create transformation. Being flexible with yourself is also critical to your process. That being said, recognize that change encourages more change, more growth and new directions. Your life has more in store for you than you could possibly imagine!

Please join me next time when I ask "Are your dreams living or dying?"

Until then, I leave you with abundant peace.

How Can You Win If You Don't Play?  Moving from fear into action!

Welcome back!  Today's topic is one I know will resonate with you because if you're alive, you know what it feels like to be afraid.  Overcoming fear is something I work on both personally and professionally. Being an effective coach involves constant support of clients like you by way of helping you to shift perspective.  When you have a new perspective, a fresh look at possibility, you come to understand that what you once perceived as barriers were merely obstacles disguised by fear. 

From that standpoint, the fear of failure and the subsequent inertia it creates, are effectively eliminated. You may notice that I said effectively eliminated because the truth is that your fear response, as an essential function of your survival mechanism, will never be completely extinguished.  That's not the goal really. Fear can serve you appropriately under the right circumstances so the real intention is not to get rid of fear, but to learn to overcome it as often as you want to.  No longer will you avoid trying altogether; no more will you be stuck between a rock and a hard place.

So, if you're feeling stuck, take a good look at how fear plays a dominant role in that scenario. When you understand that, you're given a new chance to shift yourself from a supporting role into a leading role in your success through the power of volition. Volition is a choice or decision made of your own free will. Isn't that exciting when you stop to think about it?

Better yet, the word VOLITION is from the Latin word VOLO which means 'I wish'. So, let's get creative!  What do you wish for?  Do you want to win the lottery? Do you want to win at love? The fact of the matter is simple: Life is like a lottery. You've got to step up and get your ticket to be in the running at all! If you don't play, you can't win. There's something thrilling about knowing that you've got a shot at the jackpot!

Now, by exercising YOUR free will, you can begin to move forward. Through volition, you're taking the most critical, even if imperceptible, step toward success. By that I mean that using your will is an internal process that makes external action possible. The implication of intention or a volition distinguishes it from word shall, which implies obligation or necessity. And, as you already know, the chances of you doing what you don't really want to are slim to none.

Having said that, I recommend that before you move into the field of action, you first get really clear about what you wish for and what steps might take you there. Keep in mind that life, by nature, is not linear so don't set yourself up for disappointment by creating expectations that any particular effort will result in any specific outcome. Remember, it's not about perfection, but progress towards your goal. And for every action taken, there will be a reaction or result; something to learn, something to add to the base of knowledge from which to take every subsequent step.

That is the process of evolution. And every time you evolve, you experience a personal victory, no matter the size. Acknowledging your victories is an essential rule in the game of life! Forgetting that rule will land you right back at stumped and stymied; do not pass go, do not collect one hundred dollars.

Once you've taken the critical first step, you can then say to yourself "I did it!" thereby creating the momentum that will drive you ever closer to making your wish come true. Above all, the effort in itself is a gift, not only to you, but to everyone able to witness your bravery. That is particularly true of children to whom you can give a legacy of strength and spirit.

That may bring up another kind of fear which is that others will see what you're doing and then judge the outcome.  In the past, you may have allowed that to stop you dead in your tracks. But knowing that the outcome is neither winning nor losing, but merely producing a result, you're freed from the need to add judgment to the equation. Simply move ahead and observe.

Effort is your expressed intention energized by ACTION. Physics tells us that energy, once released, flows infinitely outward. Because energy drives your actions, no effort is ever wasted. Instead, your assured win is invaluable in its ability to model courage for yourself and others. The word courage comes from the Latin coraticum or heart and remains a metaphor for inner strength. The courage to act will come when you become aware of, and respond to, the genuine yearnings of your heart.

From your heart-awareness, choosing to ACT is choosing to consciously open the gift of your life. It is accepting that it's okay to have what you want, and to give yourself permission for a change!  Choosing your SELF is not throwing caution to the wind, but rather an act of responsibility. Quite literally, it fosters your ABILILITY to RESPOND to our shared obligation to be joyful and whole. What better gift could you give the world?

In the words of Maxwell Maltz,

"Often the difference between a successful person and a failure is not that one has better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on one's ideas, to take a calculated risk... and to act." 

Here's my 7-day challenge to you:

Every time to notice yourself feeling stuck, decide to set the fear aside. Write down your fear on a piece of paper, fold it up and tuck it away from sight for the time being. Then bring your focus to the dream or desire you wish for. Now, remember that it's impossible to truly fail because you're always progressing through the process of cause and effect.

Simply imagine your self savoring sweet victory. Be present with the experience of having what you want; feel and know it to be so. From that happy encounter, you can plan when and how to execute your next step. As you proceed, find your way back to the experience of already having what you want any time that doubt or fear become obstacles on your path.

Please join me next time when I ask "Will the glass slipper fit you?"

Until then, I leave you with abundant peace.

Welcome back!  For the next few minutes, I'd like to talk to you about an important element of success that's rarely discussed and it has to do with envy.  I bet you've found yourself facing some predicament that led you to wish you were someone else, or somewhere else; perhaps where there are fewer demands and less stress or more money and more time.

I think we've all been there at least once, seeing through a subjective lense that the grass appears far greener on the other side.  The other side of what?  Of life?  Life is always bringing you new challenges as a necessary portal to your prosperity.  What I'm suggesting to you is that the greener side of success is not over THERE, but in HERE, in you, this very moment.

Claiming your most vital and verdant life requires a new way of thinking and being.  To truly "be" and belong on the greener side, will mean consciously stepping beyond the edges of your comforts zone.  And just to be clear, it's not a single step on your part, but a journey; the most worthwhile journey you can ever make.

Ironically, the distance you must travel is less than a foot and yet it takes some of us a lifetime to get there.  I'm referring to the few, but all- important inches, between your head at your heart. What I'm offering you is a powerful shift in your perspective on success; revealing to you that lasting success, satisfying success is not external.  It's not to be achieved, but revealed.

To believe that success is outside of you is just that, a belief.  It originates in the mind; the mind that seeks evidence to prove and disprove its own reality.  Your mind wants to be right, right?  It looks for proof because the brain, by itself, doesn't believe in any success it can't perceive.

Here's a quick quiz to see whether or not you're stuck in your head:

Do you worry a lot?

Keep in mind that fear is nothing but a mental projection of future events.

Do you get caught up in mental loops?

Obsessive thinking results from the head needing to know why, when and how.

Do you engage in compulsive behavior? 

What we call "bad" habits can point to chronic neglect of your matters of the heart.

Do you talk negatively to yourself?

This is your inner critic at work who evaluates and finds fault with itself and others.

Are you angry or controlling?

Even feeling OUT of control suggests that your head, and not your heart, is dominating your experience.

I can see myself in all of those behaviors, can you?  Retreating to your head is a learned response to feeling vulnerable to outside elements.  But your mind is not a bastion, it's just comfortable.  It doesn't provide lasting security, only familiarity.  We grow up feeling safe with what we already know and fearing what we don't.

So, are you ready for the key to success and the greener side of life?  It's simple really... your head and your heart must work together in powerful partnership.  That mind-body alignment is absolutely fundamental to the synergy of success.

Synergy is the cooperative interaction of two forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.  When you've attained a synergy between heart and head, you'll begin to notice what the greener side feels like:

You're Present - centered in the now, not in false expectations.

You're Available - to yourself and those that look to you.

You're Grateful - because in the heart, you're in the company of all life's sweetest blessings.

You're Creative - as you reveal your unique gifts to others through loving intention.

You're Confident -  because in your heart, you're connected to your core value, leaving no room for doubt.

The 13th century Persian theologian known as Rumi once wrote:

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

Here's my 7-day challenge to you:

Your first step is becoming aware which means that when you find yourself fixed in worry, mental loops, or self talk, simply stop.  Take notice of what you're doing.  Close your eyes and imagine a tunnel of light connecting your head to your heart.  Enter into and descend through that passage, remaining focused until you arrive at your open, luminous heart.

Choose any of the heart elements and be present, grateful, creative, and confident from that place.  Allow your intention to become real without hastening or forcing, but stepping aside into the full knowledge that your mind's greatest intelligence and your heart's deepest wisdom have joined in a potent partnership of good.

Please join me next time when I ask "How can you win if you don't play?"

Until then, I leave you with abundant peace.