Joyanne Sloan's Podcast

Is frustration your affliction? Learning to live on purpose!

Welcome back! The topic of this week's episode is pretty juicy as far as I'm concerned because it deals with something that plagues each and every one of us: frustration. Good old frustration... we've all been there from time to time. But this is not a conversation about the isolated hair-pulling, teeth-grinding incident, but about the chronic frustration that may derail you on a regular basis. "Is there a cure?" you ask. Of course!

To remedy this affliction, you must first understand frustration on the most basic level. So let's answer the primary question "What is Frustration" with the following definition: 'To prevent from accomplishing a purpose'. It's plain to see that feeling frustrated is merely a symptom, not the problem itself; the underlying issue actually being the prevention of 'purpose' which is 'the objective for which someone exists'.

A sense of purpose is something that countless others, just like you, are either lacking entirely or have ongoing confusion about. And frustration will continue as long as you neglect its source; so stop circling the obstacle and turn it over to see what's been living beneath it all this time!

When you do that, you'll come around to the juiciest question of all. "What's the purpose of my life?" is the proverbial question we all have to ask ourselves sooner or later, if not again and again. Only when you know how to answer that, will you fully resolve frustration at its source.

Like so many things, discovering your purpose is a process. But even small steps towards clear purpose can begin to alleviate the symptoms of frustration.  And no step along your way needs to be taken alone which is why we all need strong allies, mentors or coaches. Yes, I too have a coach who I hired because of her specialty with supporting writers.

You see, I'd wanted to write for years but felt thwarted by huge life changes, parenthood, obligations and so forth. I only began to write my first articles as homework to be seen by no one other than my coach. I wrote them never knowing who else might see them and certainly not with the thought that I would later become a coach myself, much less a podcaster and blogger; all as a result of my first attempts at writing.

So the work I did, and continue to do, with my coach meant setting a goal: to write just ten articles while juggling single parenthood, divorce, full time work and deep spiritual healing. I wrote about the things that interested me, perplexed me and rewarded me. Having an accountability partner that I knew would be holding me to my commitment was an integral part of taking those first important steps.

And after reading my early articles, her comments changed the course of my life. She said "Did you know you're a coach?" "What?" I replied. "You're a coach!" she said again. "Just read what you've written and you'll see that coaching is exactly what you're doing!" It was her valuable input and support that lead me to later pursue my coaching certification and to discover my purpose of healing with the powerful medicine of words; compassionate language that inspires positive change.

What I love about that story is that is so clearly illustrates how the path to purpose is steeped in wonder because all paths to our future require the courage to enter the unknown; not knowing what you'll find and, more importantly, not knowing what will find you!

Now that I'm a coach, one of the goals of my practice is to empower clients like you to live YOUR life on purpose. It's interesting that the meaning of the term 'on purpose' is literally 'by design'. So, are you ready to live your life by design? To do that, you must first accept that there's no predicted outcome for your life based on your history. Once you get that, you're then free to powerfully imagine your purpose through the creative design process. Just think of it as Dynamic Dreaming! Yes, it's up to you! How wonderful, how thrilling, how unbelievably scary!

Wouldn't be easier if we were just told what to do? Well, we were... by our parents, teachers, friends and bosses and all the while wishing for complete autonomy. Oh, to savor the sweet flavor of self-determination. Freedom at last!

I hereby confer upon you the power to design your way to the boundless, unique, expansive and sumptuous life that's yours to be claimed through creative action. You have, this very moment, been liberated to pursue a life that's so happy it isn't respectable! Isn't that funny? To think that you should limit your joy and brilliance to satisfy the narrow confines placed upon you by others. I tried that to no good end and I'm guessing you have too! Let's try it another way!

Creating and later manifesting your design is not only deliciously entertaining, but is your duty to yourself and all life around you. For when you are living on purpose, you're being wholly yourself, completely in your power, in your domain and your delight which is the single, best way to live by brilliant example. When you are THAT engaged in shining your light, you're equally an outstanding parent, worker and citizen for everything will grow in your radiance. Indeed, the many shadows of the world command that you illumine the darkness before you as an integral function of your true purpose.

It was Harold Thurman Whitman who said:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs - ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

Here's my 7-day challenge to you:

Step 1: Recognize that purpose will change as you evolve, so be fluid with your plan.

Step 2: Expect many possible directions because all creative work is a process.

Step 3: Choose not to judge that you don't have the answer by now.

Step 4: Make friends with the unknown by setting aside 20 minutes a day to explore whatever you feel like doing in that moment (*not what think you should be doing, but what feels like play, think "I am playing on purpose". This step is about experiencing the powerful flow of life energy that's always available to you!)

Step 5: Start noticing patterns in your play time: what do you repeatedly return to and why?

Step 6: Take notes of how you experience different activities or areas of interest.

Step 7: Begin to plot your map to purpose by indicating milestones of clarity, development and progress.

Keep in mind that setting aside your Playing On Purpose time is most effective when it take its rightful place at the top, I repeat the top, of your to-do list. This kind of personal effort is NOT the reward you give yourself for finishing everything else. Playing is critical to making friends with the unfamiliar or uninitiated facets of your self. You'll learn to stop fearing what you don't know by bridging the distance between the current and future expressions of yourself.

Remember, play time is not your perk, but your work. It's work that no one but YOU can do and, by avoiding it, you'll only perpetuate frustration and lack of purpose. By committing to the steps above, you'll begin to connect the dots; eventually mapping out your future from what first appeared to be faraway points and unreachable destinations.

Please join me next time when I ask "What side of the tracks do you live on?"

Until then, I leave you with abundant peace.

Are you too sensitive? 

Welcome back!  As a life coach I rely heavily on my intuition.  Particularly in recent years, my sixth sense has improved considerably both in strength and accuracy.  The benefit of a well-developed inner guidance can never be quantified.  My clients, and especially my close friends, often ask me how I came to be so intuitive. They too want to cultivate their precious ability to discern the often subtle signs on the road to peace and prosperity.

This leads me to our topic and the question "Are you too sensitive?"  I'm guessing that at some time in your life, someone has told you that you were being too sensitive. Most likely it was their attempt to deflect responsibility for some remark they made; a comment that you probably didn't appreciate much.

In order to get really clear on this point, it's important that you be able to distinguish sensitivity from reactivity.  Statements such as "too sensitive", "too pushy" and "too spoiled" are really only judgments. And it comes as no surprise that feeling judged by others generally leads to a defensive position.  Just remember that your reactions come from and belong to you alone.  In other words, the next time you hear a judgment, simply be aware of how your limited thoughts can trigger negative interpretations of what others say.  Are you listening from fear?  Do you give a knee-jerk reaction whenever someone trespasses upon your deepest apprehensions?

If so, you can start by swapping the common definition of sensitive meaning: easily affected or hurt with the uncommon definition: responsive to slight changes of condition. And before I go any further, let me say that YES, there IS a connection between your intuition and your sensitivity.  To that let me add that there's no such thing as being too sensitive in my opinion.

The truth is that sensitivity, as it relates to your sixth sense, is absolutely and critically dependent on your ability to discern faint shifts in your immediate environment.  That environment can be both external and internal. Those small changes can pertain to both the visible and invisible realms.

By visible I'm referring to what you can detect with your senses of sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing. Did you know that your sixth sense is dependent upon your other five?  Intuition doesn't happen in a vacuum but rather works by relaying valuable, and mostly tiny, bits of information to your awareness by way of that remarkably perceptive instrument called your body.

By contrast, information received from the INvisible realm means that, because you cannot detect the intangible with your five senses, that the knowing you have is experienced on the visceral level. That means you feel an energetic response in your body, also  called the sixth sense. That's why people say "trust your gut" and "good vibe" or "bad vibe". That kind of feeling doesn't originate in the mind but on a deeper, physical level.

The cues you get, even though small, are happening all the time if you're sensitive enough to pick up on them. The key here is not to confuse what is infinitesimal with what is insignificant.  There's a huge difference between the two! And as luck would have it, your intuition has a built-in safeguard. If you do ignore your wee voice of wisdom, the universe has an uncanny way of gradually stepping up the volume until the point at which you become conscious of the message being sent. The longer you deny the content of that message, the more pronounced or more painful the method of delivery becomes. This is commonly known as the "2x4 approach and it's not hard to find the 2x4 scenario playing out as never-ending drama in people's lives. Sound familiar?

The best part is that everyone is blessed with intuition.  It's just a matter of whether or not you choose to honor and hone this skill to your best advantage. And again, that's a matter of your choosing.  Many people, particularly those in pain, choose not to acknowledge their own inner guidance.  Instead they opt to numb their receptive channels through an infinite list of distractions including television, cell phones, drugs, self talk, food, sex, the Internet and so on. Those are simply coping mechanisms that actually delay healing of the underlying issue.

Don't think for a moment that I'm not talking from personal experience.  I'm going to share with you a rather painful and personal moment of awakening in my own life.  In the last few years before my divorce, I was increasingly unhappy and pretty heavily in denial about how bad my marriage was. Like many people, maybe even you, I found that food was a quick and reliable remedy to my suffering. Of course the reality is that food, like most things, is not really a remedy to anything but hunger.  And my hunger wasn't physical, but emotional and spiritual.

One afternoon many years ago, I walked into a local donut shop where I stopped from time to time and picked up a real estate magazine.  I approached the counter and, before I could speak, the young woman working there said "Maple old fashioned?"  My heart sank and my face burned. Yes, that was the doughnut I always ordered. And it wasn't until she anticipated my request that I had any awareness that I was going there frequently enough for her to know my preference. I seem to recall that I responded with a dazed "Uh huh" before leaving with my maple old fashioned and then going to my car to cry.

She didn't mean to hurt me but to serve me.  And serve me she did.  All at once, I was painfully aware of my habit of an afternoon pick-me-up consisting of dreaming my troubles away in the pages of new homes with a sweet self-indulgence in the other hand. It was my escape until I finally realized that my happiness had, in fact, escaped me. Indeed, my sensitivity had done exactly as it was intended to do.

Being sensitive is an invaluable gift to you; a means to surviving and thriving that's been passed on to you by all those that came before.  So use it well and learn to discriminate and to choose wisely.  Then you may always trust that your decisions are good ones for your intuition is the servant of your heart; forever assisting you in making the most of opportunity whenever it arises.  Remember... timing is everything so listen and learn in order to respond to the gentle knock of opportunity upon your door. 

In the words of Rachel Naomi Remen:

"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words."

My 7-day challenge is this:

Over the next week, begin noticing how quickly you react to others.  Connect to them by listening as deeply as you can.  Don't respond, simply listen.  When they've stopped speaking, connect and listen to yourself. Give yourself a few seconds before you speak to pay close attention to your interpretations. This exercise will be difficult yet very rewarding. See how well you do and let me know what you've learned from this challenge.

Please join me next time when I ask "Is frustration your affliction?"

Until then, I leave you with abundant peace.

Welcome back! I'm about to ask you a question that you've likely never been asked in your life. The question is "What is the price of success?"

While you may not be able to answer that question right off, I bet that the longer you think about it, the more you realize that success indeed comes at a cost that most of us never think about. Americans are more affluent in terms of material wealth than they've ever been and yet many of them, perhaps even you, are really no better off when it comes to feeling deeply satisfied with life.

How does that happen? It happens because countless numbers of you may feel robbed of the joy of your success if it comes at a high personal price. It may come at the cost of your precious time and energy. It may come at the expense of being with loved ones or doing the things that give meaning to your life. That's the status quo approach to success which shows that your external prosperity comes about at the risk of your internal peace. So what can you do now if you realize that the cost of future success may be more than you're willing to pay?    
    
How you measure success is a mighty big consideration so let's begin by taking it in smaller pieces. You can start with the underlying question "What is the price of money?" At first glance, it seems like an odd question; perhaps because you've never asked it. Money is really just a piece of paper we assign a value to; a value that symbolizes tangible goods and human services. That's important to understand because if you've actually got some money, you may wonder "What have I traded in order to accumulate this wealth?"

I'm sure you're familiar with the saying "There's no such thing as a free lunch." Because the desire for financial wealth is so prevalent in our culture, you may have never considered the actual value of each cost associated with making money. Actually, money represents many resources: working hours, physical & mental energy, the natural resources you consume, and so forth. Within this context, that means the monetary success you've attained so far can be thought of as the direct dividend of your investment of human capital.

In a society that falsely believes in unlimited wealth, what you may not realize is that ALL resources are finite by nature. That can leave you feeling cheated if you recognize that the time and energy you invested in the past were not only finite, but are now gone forever. While that realization may be painful, it's an extremely valuable place from which to reassess your current trajectory and goals.

Taking stock means asking the right questions and because your time and energy are so valuable, it helps to know which questions deserve to be answered first. Take a good look at the reality of your life in this very moment rather than projecting on to an uncertain future.

Let's begin by answering these important questions:

1. What do you value? These are the intangibles of life: joy, relationships, independence, vitality, autonomy, etc.
2. What do you have of value? These are the tangible items: house, car, boat, electronics, jewelry, property, etc.
3. Do the answers to questions 1 & 2 support or conflict with each other?  In other words, does what you HAVE agree with what you want to BE?
4. What items from question #2 are you UNwilling to part with?
5. How much are you willing to pay from #1 (intangibles) to maintain #4 (tangibles)?

By finding your answers, you'll be in a better position to set long-term goals because you'll have gained clarity about future sacrifices and gains as they relate your own value system. Your answers will also help you assess how much you'll need to invest of yourself to reach the desired goal. You may be surprised to find that you're unwilling to sacrifice your finite resources for something you previously held dear.

For instance, after years of effort, I found that I was unwilling to continue in a business partnership that, while fulfilling on some levels, required more emotional energy than I was willing to give. While the decision to let go was difficult, the resulting sense of freedom proved that I had made the right choice. I was truly liberated, by my own determination, to pursue the next phase of my life with absolute focus. In that way, deciding what to do was actually about deciding what  NOT to do!

It reminds of a wonderful expression with says "Every exit is an entrance." I love that saying because it keeps me grounded to the knowledge that life is an endless cycle of endings and beginnings. By keeping that in mind, moving to the next phase of your life need not be painful. If you find yourself wanting to fully embrace and realize your dreams, it�s essential to remember that in order to grasp something new, you must first let go of what doesn't serve you.

There once lived a Roman philosopher by the name of Seneca the Younger who was born roughly four years before Christ yet his wisdom still holds true today. It was he who said "What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more."

My 7-day challenge for you is to first answer the 5 questions given earlier and then to begin examining the distinction between HAVING and BEING. In other words, does WHAT you want to achieve agree with WHO you want to be? Your answers will be the guidance you seek as you redefine the meaning and price of success for yourself. Follow the glimmers of truth that light your path and you'll discover the truly satisfying solutions that lay quietly within you.

Please join me next time when I ask "Are you TOO sensitive?"

Until then, I leave you with abundant peace.

Do you know the force of gratitude? How every day can be Thanksgiving.

There�s no doubt you�ve heard the expression �Gratitude is an attitude� and so it is. At the same time, gratitude is a wonderful topic to consider for the potential and instantaneous impact it can have on your life. An attitude is an expression of free will and an integral part of leading a fully autonomous life. It means choosing to honor what IS by simply acknowledging what�s presently taking place. Think for a moment about the lasting impact of an acknowledgement from someone significant in your life. And so, being grateful is a way of being; an experience you cultivate by choice. If there ever was a magic pill, gratitude is it!

To be in gratitude is to hold and admire the gifts of life no matter their size or origin. I discovered that the word gratitude is connected to the word grace. What a wonderful notion that whenever you adopt an attitude of gratitude, you invite grace into your experience. If you�re not the religious type, you certainly don�t have to think of this as God�s grace. In fact, words often have many definitions for you to choose from. You might prefer another meaning of grace such as: "pleasing quality or beauty of form and movement ". Imagine your life flowing with elegance in such a way that it�s a thing of beauty to notice yourself and to have others notice you living so gracefully. Yes, gratitude can do that.

And still there are more ways to describe gratitude and grace including "to praise or welcome". How lovely to realize that speaking of the goodness of your life then serves to invite and embrace even greater blessings. Think of it as the flow of energy. Gratitude begins a cycle that fuels the forward expansion of life. Without you as the instrument of that flow, the process would fail. Everything within your circle of influence is energized by sweet thankfulness whenever you open the gifts of the present. Yes, gratitude can do that too.

And it is just that, an opening. Being grateful, and thereby graceful, is about accessing the jewels once concealed by your heart. It�s a veritable treasure chest, open to shine its contents upon all onlookers. From that place, there is trust and confidence. From that place there is connection to the infinite within you and the endless rewards made available through appreciation. The door to your heart need not be closed for fear of theft. Closing the door through an unnecessary desire for security only serves to end that benevolent flow. It�s ONLY by choosing the experience of gratefulness in the HERE and NOW that you make yourself available to the living riches that exist for you in the days and years ahead.

It is that energy flow which begins to address the underlying force of gratitude. To be sincerely grateful for all that you have been blessed with, both tangible and intangible, means that you�re actively and intentionally creating a relationship with the best life has to offer. But how can you be thankful for the events of life that are painful? That is a matter of perspective. It�s a matter of honoring your pain, not as instrument of suffering, but as a profoundly wise teacher.

That was so of my marriage which ended after eight difficult years. Throughout the relationship I had been angry, sad, depressed and considered myself to be the victim. Had I been treated unfairly? Yes. Had I been shown on-going hostility? For sure. But my former husband was the single most powerful teacher I�ve ever had. He taught me how truly capable I am; that I can make good choices and safeguard my boundaries. Most importantly, his unwillingness to really show up in our marriage mirrored my own unwillingness to show up for me. Had he abandoned his spoken vows to me or had I unwittingly abandoned myself by never taking my own vow in the first place? How could I honor myself when I�d never acknowledged myself? Fortunately in the end, I never lost the true me, I only misplaced her temporarily. And when she returned, she came back more powerful, more resolute, and more committed to living with compassion and purpose than ever before. For these lessons, I thanked my ex-husband. I expressed my deepest gratitude to him for loving me enough to set me free. There is an expression which says �Before the bird can fly, the shell must break� which illustrates how painful fractures in your emotional body are in fact necessary openings to the blessings in store for you.

And you know, I believe my shift in perspective about my marriage fostered the strong friendship that he and I now have. It�s the relationship we never had when we were married and it�s the cornerstone of our raising a healthy, happy child together.

So I invite you to experience the force of gratitude in your own path to prosperity. In the words of Melodie Beattie:

�Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.�

My challenge to you is to express gratitude once each day for a week. Go beyond a simple thank you and let someone know how they made your life better. Make your Thanksgiving specific and personal. And know that your spoken gifts may be treasured for a lifetime.

Please join me next time when I ask �What is the price of success?�

Until then, I leave you with abundant peace.