Wed, 21 February 2007 What lives between right and wrong?
Welcome back! This week's question is one I know will be relevant to each and every one of you. The question is "What lives between right and wrong?" The short answer to that is one you may not have considered. The answer is REALITY. Reality represents those infinite shades of gray that will ALWAYS exist between right and wrong. Actually, there's an even more provocative question to consider. And that is: What would it take for you to be happy with your present life? How is it that you could embrace your current reality with both arms; the life that is flawed but true and firmly nestled between where you've been and where you're going?
If you're waiting for the pressing realities of life to evaporate, then I invite you to simply accept that they won't. If you're straining to cross everything off your list, then just know that lists never end. This means that happiness is INSIDE of you, free from the uncontrollable life OUTSIDE of you. In other words, being happy with your life right now is about being at choice in life instead of having command over it.
As you consider those questions, I want to highlight an underlying paradigm that likely affects your thinking without you even being aware of it. By that I mean that we live in an "Either/Or" consciousness. And the more aware of either/or thinking you become, the more you'll notice how that pattern shows up again and again. It's right or wrong, good or bad, rich or poor, ally or enemy. The pervasiveness of that pattern didn't happen in a vacuum. It's everywhere you look and with very good reason.
The purpose of that paradigm in our society is plain; its effect is to polarize individuals, communities, and even countries. But either/or thinking isn't necessarily the result of harmful intent. It continues on in each of us that have fallen under the spell of scarcity. Either/or thinking is the spawn of scarcity consciousness because it maintains the myth that resources are finite and that your very survival depends on getting your piece of the pie.
That way of thinking is to imply that the world is a place of HAVE or HAVE NOT and that competition is the best, or even the only, solution. Think about it... how does the either/or paradigm influence foreign-policy? How does it affect your personal policy? You see, my friend, there is a third way. It's the path of compassion. Compassion exists beyond competition for it's rooted in your heart.
Choosing from and acting upon compassion means to engage the most evolved part of your mind. That part of your brain is called the Neocortex which is most highly developed in humankind. It's beyond the limbic or primitive part of your brain which is concerned with life and death. Life and death is the quintessential indicator that someone is operating from scarcity and from either/or consciousness.
And here's the really beautiful part: because you're capable of conscious thought, you ultimately decide which part of your brain you'd like to live from. YOU get to choose the road you take in life. At each new intersection there are three possibilities. To the left of you is prejudice and judgment. To the right of you is tolerance and forgiveness. And then there's a third way of compassion, community and communication.
I recently had a chance to take the middle road what I realized that I'd produced the first 12 episodes of my podcast with the wrong phone number! The gentleman who'd been kind enough to do my commercial voiceover had recorded my toll-free number with not one, but two, wrong numbers. And I'd missed it every single time for a dozen episodes that I'd listened to again and again before their release.
When I first discovered it, my initial reaction was "Oh Shit, how did that happen?" Then I launched into shoulding all over myself. I should have caught that mistake. I should have bit more careful. But then I stopped. I realized that there was no way to un-ring that bell so I called my producer who'd done the initial recording and had a good, long laugh. I laughed with compassion for myself because I saw how free I finally was for the symptoms of perfectionism. I shared and connected with him. I thanked him for helping me at all and simply made my request for a new recording.
It was a lovely experience for me to remain centered in my heart where there was no need for blame. Compassion is the essence of creation. Without it, you will not heal yourself or your relationships. Without compassion, you will not transform your reverie into reality.
It's the words of Dan Millman:
"The universe does not judge us; it only provides consequences and lessons and opportunities to balance and learn through the law of cause and effect. Compassion is the recognition that we are each doing the best we can within the limits of our current beliefs and capacities."
My 7-day challenge to you is to begin noticing where either/or thinking is showing up in your life. See if you can find its source. And most importantly, use your creativity to explore the third path so that the road of compassion is the one you travel most.
Please join me next time when I ask "Do you know the force of gratitude?" Until then, I leave you with abundant peace. Comments[0] |
Wed, 14 February 2007  Are you afraid to cry? The hidden power of tears!
Welcome back! This week's subject is one I've wanted to write about for a while now. So the question I'd like to ask is "Are you afraid to cry?"
In my experience, a vast majority of people I encounter seem to suppress their tears because our culture deems crying in public as unacceptable. I wonder how it is that if you and I are to fully encourage success in life that we can also discourage our emotional response to that life. It seems to me that inhibiting tears somehow means that you're strong and capable; unaffected by and disconnected from the influence of others. What I'm suggesting is that to detach from others is to be invulnerable to one's self; to be invulnerable to your whole being, your whole life, and your whole good.
Not crying when you really want to is not risking but choosing safety. To withhold your tears, whether painful or joyful, is to choose the gray fog of indifference to yourself. That, my friend, is the definition of neglect.
In my own life, I used to wish I wouldn't cry. My propensity for tears was always beyond my control. I couldn't stop myself and yet, I didn't want to cry. I didn't want others to see my pain or to know that I was lacking in confidence and self-discipline. Most of all, I wanted to hide my feelings because I associated them with my mother. I thought her tears were a sign of weakness. I thought her emotional waves were the reason my father left us. And if there was anything I didn't want, it was more abandonment.
I once believed that my ability to feel life so intensely was my greatest liability. And, once I had a baby, it only got worse. I could cry at the drop of a hat and ultimately I stopped fighting the tears. I cried at home, at work, in restaurants and at meetings.
Then one day, a mentor of mine explained the true meaning of emotions. Its translation entirely shifted my willingness to cry without judgement. She told me that the word emote was Latin in origin. She said that E stands for I and MOTE stands for MOVE. Emote means I-MOVE. And the more I cried, the closer I moved towards the authentic me.
I discovered that my tears were a bridge to the intimacy I'd always lacked with myself. And the more permission I gave myself to cry, the more people would come to me and say "Thank you. You amaze me at how you can let yourself feel. It touched me and I wish I could do that too."
And the truth is... YOU CAN! You can touch what's real and make contact with the hidden self. You can taste the juicy sweetness of success that lies beyond sorrow. Doing that requires that you shift your thinking by acknowledging emotions, not as your greatest liability, but as your greatest asset. That means honoring my mother for her profound strength in being human, for she alone gifted me with the feminine power I now embody.
Letting go is so much easier to do when you understand that tears are the natural response to being provoked, excited or stressed. That's why tears come in so many flavors: relief, joy, grief, anxiety. Through tears, your body seeks to regain the balance that so many of us need. Biochemist William Frey who wrote 'The Mystery of Tears' compared the normal moisturizing tear with the tear caused by emotion and found that stressful tears contained ACTH or adrenochorticotrophic hormone. ACTH is associated with high blood pressure, heart problems, peptic ulcers, and other physical conditions related to stress. That's why you feel so much better after a good cry. You're literally washing away harmful hormones from your body.
So go on, let it out it and begin moving toward the personal prosperity within you. Open the door to your heart by feeling what's there and keep that door open to all the goodness that may enter into the space you've created inside. In the words of Washington Irving:
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love."
My seven-day challenge to you is to simply feel what you feel, in real-time, with real purpose. I encourage you to remember that anger is merely a mask for sadness and need not be directed at others or yourself. You may find writing your unexpressed emotions on paper to be a cathartic exercise. I'd also suggest safely burning what you've written in order to liberate that energy from your life.
Please join me next time as I answer the question "What lives between right and wrong?" Until then, I leave you with abundant peace. Comments[0] |
Wed, 7 February 2007 Does anyone really need a coach? Welcome back! I've been looking forward to answering the question "Does anyone really need a coach?" because a majority of people don't know what a coach does or how a coaching relationship can be of value. So the short answer is NO. You don't really need a coach. And yet there are many ways you can benefit from having a coach to help you transform the life you just live into a life you just love. The reason you don't need a coach is that there's nothing wrong with you. Coaching isn't like therapy because we don't spend time unearthing your past. Instead, a coach assists you in constructing your future. In that way, therapy can be likened to archaeology and coaching can be likened to architecture. Coaches don't diagnose you, fix you or identify your problems. Instead, we recognize you as a whole and complete in your current state. Rather than helping you become "better" we guide you to see and understand your limited belief systems. Your self-limiting thoughts preclude you from realizing your inherent capacity and the subsequent joy that comes from expanding into the fullness of who you've always been. How do we do that? A certified coach has received training in listening to you at the deepest level. We listen not only to the words you speak, but also to the energy behind the words. We're taught to recognize patterns in what you say as well as to detect changes in tone, intensity, and emotion. When we pick up on these subtle cues, we seize that moment to ask you an open-ended question. A coach's question provides an opportunity for you to examine the validity and origin of your thoughts. Here's an example of what I mean: During a recent coaching session, my client remarked that she couldn't handle lots of money responsibly. She was expressing some unexamined fear that effectively prevented her from receiving her highest good. My question to her was "When in your life did you have lots of money and not handle it well?" To that she said "Well, when I was going through my divorce, I got into a lot of credit card debt." So I asked "So then you didn't have a lot of money during that transition so you took on debt?" "That's true" she said and added "But I did spend a lot buying this house and going back to school." By the end of our exchange she'd recognized that she'd actually never had a lot of money in her life. She'd had enough to support herself and her son, have a roof over their heads and keep them moving forward but she'd really never had much more than was necessary. I think my conversation with her illustrates the point that we all believe things about ourselves and our capabilities which really aren't fact but fiction. Erroneous beliefs come from many sources. They're the product of believing what others have said in judgment of you. They come from somehow believing that you are your circumstances. They come from your own inner critic who, with practice, becomes very skilled at convincing you that your results are inadequate or that you are fundamentally unworthy of the real success you wish for. As a coach who specializes in healing scarcity consciousness, I often encounter clients who approach prosperity as having ENOUGH. But the reality is that enough is JUST ENOUGH to survive. What I do is help you move from merely surviving to really thriving; from just enough to lasting abundance. In the end, it's about recognizing that the signs of success are merely the evidence we sometimes use to convince ourselves that WE are enough. And more often than not, life's trophies don't replace the inherent wealth you create from within. And that's where the support of a coach really makes a difference! So the magic of coaching is the result of making a commitment to and investment in your self. The reward of such a relationship is the return on investment you get by putting your human capital where it will pay the highest possible dividend. I facilitate that by way of compassionate listening and reflecting back what I've heard in a way that allows you to see your beliefs as objectively as possible. While you'll always establish the agenda for the call and the action steps necessary to reaching your goal, I'll be your accountability partner and hold that space for you to live into the most dynamic, powerful, electric, joyful and succulent life you've ever imagined! Author C.S. Lewis once wrote: "Make your choice, adventurous stranger: My 7-day challenge for you is to identify the biggest, hairiest, ugliest belief about yourself that stands in a way of your true glory. Think of it as a troll who forbids you to cross the essential bridge to your true prosperity. But don't fear the troll. Learn its name, invite it to lunch, make friends with it, discover when and how it came into your life and by what means you've kept it alive. Please join me next time when I ask "Are you afraid to cry?" Until then, I leave you with abundant peace. Comments[0] |
Wed, 31 January 2007 Who Are You?
Welcome back! Before we begin, I'd like to thank you for making the meditation on creativity my most listened to episode yet. That's great inspiration for me to offer more of that in future podcasts. So, if you'd enjoy a meditation on any topic in particular, please share your ideas at feedback@peaceofprosperity.com
Now onto our subject. The question I'll be asking is "Who are you?" You know I got asked that very same question a few weeks ago at a powerful four-day symposium I attended. The group at this event was one I'd describe as particularly clear, present and peaceful. It was one of those rare opportunities in life when a gathering of virtual strangers seems like family. And it was the loving acceptance I felt among this group of almost one hundred that enabled me to be absolutely connected to that animating life force that drives everything I do and everything I am.
One day I was strolling by myself down the hotel corridor where the symposium was held. About 30 yards ahead of me was a man who was also attending this function but who I hadn't met yet. Since we were both walking in the same direction, I don't know how it was that he sensed me from behind at such a distance. But suddenly, he did a complete about-face and asked loudly "Who are you?" with a tone suggested I was someone worth meeting.
Even though I knew he was really curious about me, I found myself unable to answer at first. I had an urge to look behind myself for the someone else he must have been talking to. But knowing we were alone, I felt like saying "Who me?"
It was strange how off-guard he caught me. Should I just say my name? What would that really tell him about me anyway? Or should I tell him what I do? The oddest and perhaps most telling thing was that what wanted to slip out of my lips was "Oh me? I'm nobody." But I didn't. I couldn't. Because to say I was nobody would be a lie.
To have let that escape would have meant singing that tired old song; those lyrics about my being invisible that once seemed so true but had long been exposed as a lie. That falsehood was laid to rest through healing the wounds of divorce and finally, finally having the relationship I always wanted to have... with myself. I stopped giving any power to the myth of being nobody, yet rarely have I ever been asked about the somebody I truly am.
It's me again and I just want to mention that my new private coaching discounts have recently posted to my site. They include a generous savings for prepaid sessions so that the longer you commit yourself, the more you save. You can find these new discounts on the FAQ page under the Start Here tab. And if you don't know what to expect from one-to-one coaching, then feel free to call me for a complimentary session by phone. It's really important that you experience the power of personal coaching firsthand before you decide to begin any coaching relationship. So, if you'd like to try it before you buy it, just give me a call at 866.374.8539 and now back to our topic.
So let me turn the tables ask "Who are you?" Are you just a name, just a spouse, just a parent, just an occupation? Can any label or title or persona even begin to contain the breadth and depth of you? I'm guessing that somewhere along line you've asked that of yourself and the "Who am I?" question begets answers such as "I'm a winner", "I'm a loser", "I'm someone" or "I'm no one."
To answer that question is to assign some definition, to give an analysis and eventually a value to oneself. And what that effectively does it limit you to a fixed concept. Doing so is to deny the unstoppable forward progress of your humanity. Labeling and otherwise limiting yourself, or anyone for that matter, delays the natural evolution that's possible IF you remain OPEN to the infinite field of opportunity.
So... if you find yourself asking or answering "Who are you?", I'm going to ask you a different and much more compelling question. What are you? What is the stuff of your true essence? What qualities invariably express themselves in what you do and what you are? And most importantly, what needs to happen for you to live that truth in all situations, in ALL ways?
It was famed choreographer Martha Graham who said:
"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there's only of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost."
My seven-day challenge to you is to reflect upon the essential life force within you. Describe its qualities on paper so that you may regard them objectively as valid and worthy of being revealed to the outside world. Because one day someone will ask "Who are you?" and then you may genuinely know and personify that sacred substance that is YOU.
Please join me next time as I answer the question "Does anyone really need a coach?" Until then, I leave you with abundant peace. Comments[0] |
